martes, 26 de septiembre de 2023

Lu from the Bloc

I have this taste. It’s a weird taste and yet a flavor I have had before.

The first time I became aware of this bitterness was when I went to the acupuncturist to have a procedure. I had not been able to recover from tendinitis in my right hand, not been able to work at all for months. Yes, months. 


So, there I was. My hand looking like Jesus Christ… more needles than ever. And as the needles “healed” me (which they actually did), a strong bitter flavor invaded my mouth. I remember telling my doctor that I had a taste of “blood.” I have no idea if that is how blood tastes, but that was my most accurate description.


I can taste blood now. 


I feel numb. 

I can’t focus.

I can’t eat.

I’m here alone and feel that I cannot complain about it because this is the life I chose. Right?


I chose every little corner of this life. 


Why can’t I find contempt? Why am I always so absent-minded, so defensive, so closed… so closed and open at the same time? 


It is as if I am waiting for someone to save me while I am putting all the obstacles.


I’ll pay for you… anytime…


It is as if I was waiting for someone to believe that I am able to overcome all this and become the woman that he dreams about...


And you told me you wanted to eat all my sadness


Does that even exist: "the dreamed girl"...


What’s always in the way?


Why so damn absent-minded? Why so scared of romance?


I suddenly knew why. 


This modern love… breaks me!


This modern love… wastes me!


This modern love… 


And just like that, I bought myself tickets for Bloc Party. And whatever stupid little guilt I had of being myself disappeared. 


I am not going anywhere. Humanity. Deal with it. 


Fuck Leon Punk Effin Baby

Fuck everyone

But me. 








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