Lost and Found (AEN)

I thought I had found you, but I was wrong. 

Sometimes I feel that I will never meet your sight. 

Today, as I was crying, I could feel my broken back moaning with me. I'm hunching again, it's getting harder to stand straight every minute. 

He appeared to be you, he did. It does not feel like that anymore. 

Sola, Tú debes estar bien sola. I repeated to myself as I cried aiming to get fixed by the words of Chris Martin, which are playing as I type. 

Me sientro atrapada en esta dimensión hispanohablante. Me siento perdida en la búsqueda de ti. 

Perhaps I have seen glimpses of you all these years... and I am grateful for those brief moments when we were blessed with the glorious hope of love. 

Sinceramente, una parte de mí verdadermane ha aceptado que el costo de todo serás tú, mi amor. 

And the worlds he said about me not being whom he would marry, whom he would follow, whom he would cherish echo in my mind, as bombs destroying our shelter, as oceans drowning our island, as earthquakes demolishing our mountain peak. 

Como la escoliosis que destroza mi columna vertebral y mis ganas de levantarme. 

And I see our future fading, our children disappearing, our memories being erased. The vivid dream that never came and never will come true. 

No soy suficiente y no soy lo que quieres. 

Perhaps it is time to stop believing in love... romantic love... couple's love... consummated love. 

Y la gente cree que soy exceptional porque he pisado 45 culturas pero el precio que pagué fue muy alto. Y la factura sigue sin saldarse. 

Today I grief for another man that believed that I was the one but turned around at the sight of trouble. He called me a problem, he called me a drama. 

Y cada palabra me rebana las vértebras y me perfora el tórax. Un eterno deya vú.

Where are you? Do you exist? 

I think that I have lost you, my love. Wherever you are, forgive me for not finding you when I should have. I will pray for you to be happy and cherish what I dreamed of us. 

Y soñaré todos los días contigo, te veré en mis sueños, lo único que nos queda. 

And I promise you that I will honor the love that we never had with all my work, with all my letters, with all my soul. I will give the love of our children to my students, to my community. I will imprint my passion into my stories, where I will undress you and hold you forever...

Y te prometo que no me voy a rendir, aunque sienta que me asfixio en este momento en el que acepto que te desvaneciste mientras yo recorrí el mundo. 

No regrets. 

No complaints. 

Goodbye, my love. 

Adios.