Even when you are taken (AEN)

November 15, 2018

I don't know how or why, but it's true that sometimes you connect with someone in the worst time possible. Yet, it is exactly the perfect moment. It's a human thing to have some struggle, some drama, and that extra effort makes everything feel even more extraordinary.

We tend to desire what is out of our reach. Universal rule. Good for Buda, who managed to break it!

I'm no Buda.

And, I do feel it.
I still feel your warm eyes looking back into mines. Am I crazy? Because I did feel that you gave me that subtle glance. The glance.

I have become an expert in hiding my real feelings and playing it cool. At least I try to. Unrequited love has become a habit and a condition that is entangled to my small but strong heart. I have learned to love without conditions, through time zones and relativity. And I'm unexpectedly grateful for these years of "lonelyness". I have learned to love and respect myself. I have also kind of learned to be patient.

Therefore, I have tried to keep my distance from you. I have tried to protect myself from falling too deep and too hard... Straight to the cold ground, diving from what seems higher than Shanghai Tower. (And by falling I obviously mean in love). And it works, I forget that you exist from time to time. But there are days like today, days that I just feel that if things were different we would not be kilometers away tonight. Days that I wish that somehow you were not taken.

I came about three years too late. Too late to meet the perfect guy.
What a surprise... For someone who is always late, this is just routine.

I'm always late.

At least meeting you reminded me that there are still cool people in this world, people who are from my generation and still understand when I talk about my childhood. Remarkable people who left their comfort zone to aim for something greater. Unforgettable people who get you with just a glance, not even words.

So, I keep these thoughts not in my mind but in my heart. I wonder if someday you will realize that I fancy you and that we could built something more than a friendship together... And, just maybe, you magically decide to take me instead...
Disney-Daydreaming, another constant in my life.

It did not surprise me that you were taken. Not even the irony that you were so perfectly designed to be my almost impossible match...

This is routine. As usual.

Maybe one day love will synchronize with my existence. Till then, I will be here...

I hope that you know that.

Sincerely,
Little Luo