The last continent (AEN)

April 02, 2020

I want the aftermath. 

I don’t want flowers, I don’t want the long, long phone calls overnight, I don’t want you to tell me that I am perfect. 

I don’t want you to elaborate on how you looked for me all your life; because we both know that you were not looking for someone like me. Nevertheless, you realized it was me, in the least expected day, in the least expected way. Wasn’t it like that? It will be like that. It always is. 

And it is not that I don’t like the excitement of the first date or to feel the energizing power of infatuation; its that I want real love, the real consummated love. The moment where we have understood who we are and accepted us just as we are: imperfect humans, without any masks, without fear.  

I just want us to be there. To be real. I want you to take my hand in the streets proudly and carelessly at the same time. 

I want you to hold me tight every night and fall asleep on the lullaby of your breathing. 

I want us to pack our luggage and take planes, buses, and trains… To get lost in the world with you. And I will get lost twice, because I will get lost in you as well, my new world. 

I want to pray for you when I wake up and when I go to bed. I want to take care of you when you are sick and when you are feeling down. 

I want to fall in love with your flaws and smile when you start talking in that particular way you always do. I want to make you laugh when I point out something that only you and I understand. And your laughter will become one of my favorite songs… I know that. 

I want to tell our children, “do as your father say”, even when you may not be right. I want them to admire you and love you as much I do. I want us to hide under our bedsheets and pretend that we are little monsters, living in Mars or in one of Jupiter’s moons. 

I want us to make love, to be held with love and lust. To dive into your eyes as you dive inside me. To hold you as you hold me, lost in a tornado where our DNAs mix and remix as we forget where we begin or end. 

I want to kiss you as no one else has kissed you before and never will. I want to be your turning point. I want to make you happy, happy to be alive. I want you to believe in your potential and know that I will be there for you, no matter what.

I want you to know that I will love you unconditionally and that I believe in fairy tales, in forevers, and in becoming old together. I am that kind of gal, who believes in family and tradition, despite how untraditional I look. 

Could you take a leap of faith? Could you accept my patched heart? Could you..? I have searched for you through air, land, and water; through digital and physical dimensions; through time zones and continents… 

I can’t breath… maybe because I am not alive yet. 

I will find you. I promise. And when I do, I swear that I will not let go. I will not give up.

And you will be my last continent to discover, my private island, my bomb-shelter, and my mountain peak. 

I will find you. 

I can feel it now. 

All this time I was just getting ready to be exactly what you were not expecting. 

I am an astronaut in this planet, wearing a thick suit that protects me from everything while I land in my planet. You are that planet… And when I land there, I will take off my suit, and breath for the first time. 

And all will be peaceful, because I will finally arrive to the last continent, a continent that no one else knows, that no one has discovered. I will make my home there, never to be a nomad again. 

Conexión (AEN)

13 de septiembre, 2017

Vivimos en lo que me parece un viaje multidimensional, estamos en constante cambio, en constante evolución. A veces nos dejamos llevar por la inercia y la energía necia de la rutina, olvidando que todos tenemos un propósito más allá del simple devenir cotidiano.

Más allá que trabajar.
Más allá que estudiar.
Más allá que el irse por unas chelas a pendejear.

Para mí es muy claro que el ser humano sólo puede trascender de una manera: conectándose. Quizás es por esta necesidad tan intrínseca de nuestra raza que hemos evolucionado desde las pinturas rupestres hasta el iPhone de última generación en la palma de nuestras manos... Hasta este blog, en donde les escribo.

Los momentos más importantes de mi vida son enmarcados por conexiones, en su mayoría humanas pero también con la naturaleza, con la historia y el legado de nuestros antepasados y, claramente, con lo inexplicable o con lo que muchos llaman "Dios".

Si estás leyendo esto es porque en algún momento conectaste conmigo y quiero agradecerte por ese detalle, por el mucho o poco tiempo que me dedicaste. Aunque no lo creas, me cambiaste.

Vivimos momentos de caos, de incertidumbre, y es en medio de esta oscuridad que entendemos lo breve que es nuestra existencia y lo frágiles que somos. Aunque yo no estuve ahí, he sentido el dolor de mi gente y he rezado porque todo mejore. Me siento con una responsabilidad muy grande y quiero hacer un cambio desde donde estoy ahora.

Estoy orgullosa de los amigos que tengo y de cómo han reaccionado ante esta crisis. De repente uno se da cuenta de que es un adulto y que el cambio está en nosotros.

Aún no me queda claro qué es lo que voy a hacer, pero sé que las conexiones que he hecho hasta ahora deben trascender a algo extraordinario. Gracias por existir, gracias por seguir aquí.

Lu

Even when you are taken (AEN)

November 15, 2018

I don't know how or why, but it's true that sometimes you connect with someone in the worst time possible. Yet, it is exactly the perfect moment. It's a human thing to have some struggle, some drama, and that extra effort makes everything feel even more extraordinary.

We tend to desire what is out of our reach. Universal rule. Good for Buda, who managed to break it!

I'm no Buda.

And, I do feel it.
I still feel your warm eyes looking back into mines. Am I crazy? Because I did feel that you gave me that subtle glance. The glance.

I have become an expert in hiding my real feelings and playing it cool. At least I try to. Unrequited love has become a habit and a condition that is entangled to my small but strong heart. I have learned to love without conditions, through time zones and relativity. And I'm unexpectedly grateful for these years of "lonelyness". I have learned to love and respect myself. I have also kind of learned to be patient.

Therefore, I have tried to keep my distance from you. I have tried to protect myself from falling too deep and too hard... Straight to the cold ground, diving from what seems higher than Shanghai Tower. (And by falling I obviously mean in love). And it works, I forget that you exist from time to time. But there are days like today, days that I just feel that if things were different we would not be kilometers away tonight. Days that I wish that somehow you were not taken.

I came about three years too late. Too late to meet the perfect guy.
What a surprise... For someone who is always late, this is just routine.

I'm always late.

At least meeting you reminded me that there are still cool people in this world, people who are from my generation and still understand when I talk about my childhood. Remarkable people who left their comfort zone to aim for something greater. Unforgettable people who get you with just a glance, not even words.

So, I keep these thoughts not in my mind but in my heart. I wonder if someday you will realize that I fancy you and that we could built something more than a friendship together... And, just maybe, you magically decide to take me instead...
Disney-Daydreaming, another constant in my life.

It did not surprise me that you were taken. Not even the irony that you were so perfectly designed to be my almost impossible match...

This is routine. As usual.

Maybe one day love will synchronize with my existence. Till then, I will be here...

I hope that you know that.

Sincerely,
Little Luo