Mist of love (AEN)

14.01.2018

And just like that, it happened. 

I have always thought that it is a total cliché to say that you find love whenever you are looking for something else. Well... I am part of that cliché now, welcome to the infatuation ride... Again.

It was not love at first sight, I have to admit that. When we first met, I simply thought that he was an ok guy. It was until the second time I met him, when I realized how much I actually liked him. And I feel totally lost right now, as if I just landed into a forbidden aphrodisiac land, in the middle of a misty platform. And all that fog keeps you alert... Should I go down and find out what is out there? What about all the previous predators that have eaten my beating heart alive in all the other exotic beaches and oasis?

I am scared to shit. 

Yeah, I admit that too. 

When one has been passing from island to island looking for one to settle, one can get not only tired, but hurt. We all carry our love scars, battle stories, all the post-romantic-war syndrome package. This new island came across while I was minding my own business, flying my plane in quite pleasant weather. I feel like a normal human being again, fine. 

My cabin here is warm and safe... why risk it?

And Lucia debated with herself, to love or not to love?

As you, dear reader, may know, she has been up and down in the past couple decades and all she has gotten has been the pieces of her own heart for her to put back together. 

Love, what an interesting thought. That little ticklish feeling in your stomach. That stupid smile on your face. That unexpected rush of energy and irrational positivism. 

Amazing love.

But we all know that love is not just that. Love is sacrifice, love is commitment, love is pain, and love is a battlefield (yeah, like the song). Perhaps the greatest battles on Earth have not been fought over religion, politics, or power. Perhaps they have been fought for love. Not everyone is brave enough to keep love, for finding it is quite simple in contrast to what comes after the "meet cute" moment. 

And... who is crazy enough to fight for love these days? Times when people want everything easy and fast. When the divorce rate keeps going up year after year. When the new generations do not believe in marriage or institutions. Sorry, I realized that I am turning a little political now, and I am just a humble narrator in this story, ha!

So, what is love?

Are we willing to risk who we are for it, to change who we are for a glimpse of that life-changing decision? 

No one is the same after giving up for love. 

No one shouldn't. 

For real love brings out the best version of ourselves, we can't see things in the same way after that. But to reach this bliss, this top of the world, we must understand that love is not selfish and that it can't be controlled. Love may also not be eternal. It may fade, and with that one may fade as well if one is not strong enough to move on.

I can't assure you that fighting the love fight is worth it. I am just a product of someone else's imagination, I have never been in love! But, having the knowledge of all the songs, books, movies, poems, paintings, sculptures, and you name it that have been created in its honor, I have to guess that it should be worth it. 

And Lucia kept thinking about him, with that stupid long smile on her face. 

Yeah, I am scared to shit to come off of this plane, I see the mist and wonder if my story will end up as one of Stephen King or Stephenie Mayer (quite a comparison, right?). Well... maybe it will end as neither of them. We all are the writers of our own stories... unique, mesmerizing, and daring. And isn't it what I am doing? Writing..?

And she came off the plane. 

What will happen next, only love knows. 

Nothing about us (AEN)

04.01.2018

I met him.

Again.

After years of not seeing his laughter, I found his expecting set of brown eyes in the middle of the night, in the middle of the crowded city. 

It hit me, like a plane crash. 

He was smooth and elegant, just as I remembered him. He did the same cracking sound with his fingers whenever something was funny enough to make him laugh. I felt proud of myself whenever I accomplished to bring out that intoxicating sound out of his mouth. I love his laughter... 

He still held me in the same way as before, gently, softly. 

Somehow he makes me feel special, but many times I wonder if he is like this with everyone.

We had dinner, talked about our lives and how we had changed or not. And, as a cruel joke from faith, I found myself doing something I thought would be impossible at this point of my life: I reconsidered us. 

US

There is something about it... 

Something about us.

Of course, it was a silly, brutal, and irrational thought. 

It was a matter of few days, after that cozy and passionate night, to understand that some things will never change. For him, I am just a pastime and an old friend. Nothing more. 

There will always be an excuse to avoid any sort of commitment. It will never be the right time, or better said, I will never be the right one. 

And, I am too old for these games. 

However, for a moment, it was nice to feel hope again. Love hope. It made me feel alive, it was a long time since I had corny thoughts and a reason to play a stupid romantic film and watch it as a romantic story and not as science fiction. 

It's been months that I have felt that love stories are science fiction. Something impossible to happen to me. I feel like a little alien in the world of weddings, babies, and couples. But, I must say, that I consider myself a cute alien, a happy alien.

Anyways, going back to that guy...

Whatever we are, that handsome monster and I, I will never understand. The monster that makes me linger for a brief instant of bliss followed by a wreckage, where my heart is torn apart again, where I come to my senses and understand that he will never be nothing more than that.

A monster,

my monster... 

I wish that he knew, how much he means to me. 

Now it is time to send all this nonsense to my subconscious, again. I am old enough to understand when things will not happen, I am not that naive anymore.

Something about us. 

But not enough...

Perhaps it is time to accept that it is actually nothing. 

As I said earlier, it hit me like a plane crash. And what hit me was not to see him, to kiss him, to embrace him; it was to understand that for him it is nothing...

A monster and an alien.
Well... didn't sound as a good match anyways.