Letter to an unknown reader

27.08.2015

And then...

I realized how life happened. All this time, bothering for things that matter but didn’t matter at the same time. We only have today, this second, this instant. Earthquakes happen, floods, bombs, wars, tse tse flies, and even the unexpected heart attack, cancer, transit accidents... who knows? Will we be here tomorrow? Think about it.

I am a lucky bastard who has stepped her feet in over 30 countries and didn’t even realized it. All the amazing people I have met, angels and demons, both part of my growth and change of perspectives. I feel somehow old... Still, I linger a little before accepting that adulthood is eminent. Just a month back, I was walking through Budapest streets along teenagers, sharing their fears of college and admissions, laughing, drinking, dancing. I felt young, remembered my college years... And my brother, my best pal. We’ve seen so many things... Laugh, cried, fought, and laugh again. I guess he is one of the only “cursed” human beings who have seen me in any possible way: exhausted, hectic, overwhelmed, crazy, insane, furious, grateful, serious, in love, in lust... I admire him so much, he has already superseded me. If I never have kids, at least I know I got my chance of leaving a part of me behind... And he makes me proud, everyday. 

Why am I writing this?

I guess I got a revealing moment and I wanted to humbly share it with you, accountancies, friends, family, lovers... For the past two years I’ve been wondering around, looking for the purpose of my life and well, I might be too young still to say that I’ve found it, but here it is: Love. 

Cliche? No... not really. 

For those who know me, I was a book worm/nerd, who won all possible awards at high school and college. Yeah... it felt nice, for a while. I’ve lived in three continents. That also felt good, for a while. I’ve worked as an editor, writer, filmmaker, corporate branding advisor... kind of an interesting blend of passions. Still... not enough. Yes, some may think that I am forgetting to mention God. Well, you are right! He has been here, with me, all this time, even when I’ve forgotten him. And I just had a small chat with him couple minutes ago, I told him: Man, you rock! How calm you managed to put me in this nice flat, in the middle of India, with an amazing Russian girl?! I mean, even the smallest detail as having a table big enough to fit my multiple working tools (laptop, hard drive, mouse, glass of scotch...Yes, scotch is an old habit I inherited from a former and dear lover) all inside an AC room?! Gosh, believe me, don’t take for granted a nice 20 degree temperature!

And, you know... that is when I though: little things are what make the big things. Little fragments of love, spread through our life. We forget this so many times. 

All my love memories are really small details: a breeze in a bridge; a sip of Polish vodka with old pals; climbing a German mountain along a daring Russian girl; my broken and worn out sneakers; having a caramel macchiato with my beloved Indian girlfriend while staring at a beautiful American sunset; my sweet Belgian friend cooking dinner for us and then worried about it been too salty when it was perfectly fine!; sharing a bed with a spirited Brazilian roommate, she though me so much; popping up champaign in the Danube with my brother, while staring at the Hungarian Parliament; remembering that I am animal person while exploring Dallas Aquarium with the sweetest American I’ve ever met; looking for some weird dutch snack with my Hungarian brother; meeting again a truly cheerful Mexican pal in order to remember and toast for our past African lives; sharing a romantic true love story with a dear Polish friend and her future German husband; driving all the way to Cataratas by car for 12 hours in a row with my beloved Argentinian soulmate... 

Shouting some Indian phrase along my Brazilian brother... Moria!

Kissing the man who changed my life during the most beautiful sunrise I got to capture with my camera... 

Teaching spanish to Nigerian children, whom I remember as my own family.
Sharing my craziness with a dear neighbor, who re-appeared in my life just when I needed a good friend.

My dad giving me advice while we looked for my brother, who appeared until one in the morning! Showing my Mexican city to an Indian that I just met but became a great friend; having an Italian dinner in the middle of London with a lovely couple of friends; assisting a pal who has had a very “happy” brithday!; sharing a glass of scotch while feeling the Parlemitan breeze with my uncle, preparing a dance with my cousins, listening to the passion of truly Italian guide (who happened to be my aunt!); sharing the smell of coffee and newspapers with talented journalists, in the middle of where news are generated; having chai with a friend in the middle of the road; sharing my passion for photography with a sexy Thai girl; hugging a Spanish sister whom I saw grow and change, transformed by her honest love for an Asian country;  inviting a fellow Mexican girl to join last minute to a weekend crazy Indian trip; running to catch a bus, a train, a plain, a boat! Sharing insights of life, God, and philosophy with an inspiring woman, while driving around my beloved country in Holy Week; having a broken conversation in English and Gujarati with a Shreyas girl, laughing my ass out with a great guy that many called David Bhai... 

My grandmother’s messages everyday, asking about a picture I posted; my best friend’s name in the credits of a film; my thesis brother performing proudly on stage, following his dream...

My mom telling me that she loves me... My sister... a friend I feel I lost and somehow will manage to get back. I miss her. 

So many others... so many more... Sorry that I can’t mention all... but you know that I carry you in my heart, you are a part of me now.

Small lives, coming together, in a brief moment that faith gave us, an instant in which we got the chance to share again the same geography in order to remember who we were a year back or a day before, how we changed, how we moved on or not. And we coexist, become the same energy, and then flow again...

And I admire them, how brave they are, each in their own way. I am grateful for having met them, for having seen them again, for all their love and warm welcomes. I hope I can pay them back for all this love, wherever I am, whenever I see you again.

I was crying, thinking of someone whom I lost. Then, I realized that he will stay with me, always in my heart. He never left in a way. But we need to let go to move on. The Earth is still spinning... 

Letting go. Short words against their deep meaning. 

I used to say that I didn’t belong anywhere. Now I understand that I belong to the world itself. It is a truly overwhelming thought. I am nothing against the universe, but at least I got this chance to exist. A small, pinky, childish, unstable but bright spark... I hope that I get the opportunity to light someone’s heart; to make a little difference while sharing my life with others. 

At the end, I believe that whoever He is, this amazing kick-ass Creator, I must thank him for the incredible life He has given to me. Thank you, Lord.  

Now I feel I must give back, must find what I am supposed to do for Him. And all of you, reading this, I want to thank you for sticking around. Whoever you are, you have impacted my existence and I am grateful to you. Don’t hesitate to drop by, at least an inbox, I will be glad and honored to hear from you. 

So... after all this random writing, I just can say: people, live! And don’t be afraid of following your craziest dreams, for they are possible. Don’t be afraid to think different. Don’t be hesitant to jump free fall. We only get one chance to breath this oxygen... our existence is so brief. I can’t believe I am 28 years already... it doesn’t feel as I though it would feel. All these years have gone by as a blink, but I think I made each one count!

And you may not get all what you want, but I promise you that in exchange you will get better things, you will get what you need, what you are ready to receive. Just look around and see... the world is so fucking beautiful! (Don’t mind my language, please!)

Talk to strangers, smile, laugh, pray, and look at the sky. 

Have you ever seen how clouds move? 

Thank you.

With love,

Laura