A couple of words (AEN Engish)

April 17, 2018

And she realized that all the love she felt had no place to be stored. As if all the vessels in the cupboard had been broken and the sweet sugar and spices were nowhere to be kept. Should she take those back to the grocery store?

What do you do with that? How do you proceed? Is there any protocol to follow when there is an unrequited love crisis? Is there a useful handbook which enlightens us on how to dispose of it or recycle it? Perhaps how to invest all those emotions into someone who actually appreciates them?

Is it even possible to do that? Can someone recycle love?

Any recipe, cookbook, prescription, manual, wikihow?
Any spell, prayer, words of wisdom?

And the worst:
I there actually someone?
Someone who would be our vessel for sugar, spices, and chili flakes?

There always is. This world has so many people that it would be impossible not to get someone to like you. Nevertheless, that is not enough. She wants to like him back, she wants to skydive without a parachute and feel the free fall, the air carrying her before touching the ground.

And the air is that: love.

So, she started writing again,
to no one, at least to no one she new.

I want to fall in love.

I recently realized that I might have never been in love before. 

Perhaps I took other emotions as real love. 
I want that now, not the flowers, not the promises,
not the gifts, not the expensive jewelry, 
not the lust, not the fancy words...
I just want that: pure love. 

I meet couples.

I see them, walking on the street while I drive my car.

Whenever I spot an old cute one, I wonder if I will experience that kind of happiness in 50 years...

If I will have grandkids to whom I will tell all my stories and adventures. 

Our stories, our adventures. 

I meet couples.

I see them, while I'm on the subway.

Sometimes they kiss. 

Whenever I spot one holding hands in a restaurant I wonder if I will ever do that again,

not just with anyone, I want to cling to his hand. 

The hand that you are meant not to let go. 

I meet couples.

I see them, while I am checking my Facebook's newsfeed.

They are sharing moments, trips, life...

Whenever I find these pictures I stare at them, or scroll them faster to stop me from thinking.

I wonder if I will post those things again,

I can't remember when was the last time I typed words as "amor", "love", "novio", "baby"... 

All those corny, cliché, but somehow meaningful nicknames.

I meet couples.

All the time.

Time keeps passing...

The Earth continues spinning. 

Babies are born.

Our old folks pass away. 

And all this love keeps piling, in my heart and my brains.

I meet couples.

I see them on the big screen, in the dark of the theater. 

They are running away from each other and then finding themselves back, they leave everything for each other. They make you feel that love has to exist, but not yet for you.

I wonder if my destiny will lead me to that turning point, to that daring screenplay, to that everlasting love. 

I meet couples.

I do.

Some are friends from long ago, getting married, and moving on. 

I go to their weddings and cherish their passion, their commitment, the dream that came true.

I wonder if they will come to my own, how my dress will be, how will he be.

I meet couples.

They are everywhere, they travel, they laugh, they cry, they fight, they make love. 

Love.

I still wonder what love is. Is it there, I mean, for me? 

Am I finding it anytime before my childbirth years fade..?

I meet couples.

I see them, I stare.

I feel jealous, I must confess.

They make me look lonely. I felt fine alone but somehow sometimes it is not enough.

I meet couples.

I praise them, embrace them...

I meet couples. 

They make me wonder, they make me hope.

I meet couples.

I do.

I meet couples,

but not you.